Monday, March 22, 2010

Fighting the good pointless as it is...

I had a particularly crappy week last week. I spent the better part of the week arguing in court...arguing in vain. Fighting a fight that wasn't mine to fight. Fighting for someone that wasn't here to fight for himself. Fighting against someone that wouldn't give up the fight, even though the person he was fighting with is dead.
How dare he say a bad word against my husband when he is not here to defend himself. How dare he further injure a widow with 2 small children. Does the world not understand that I have 2 children that need to be taken care of for the rest of their lives? And they need to be taken care of by me? Alone? On one income? And no life insurance? And no will?

Thursday, March 04, 2010

One year ago today...


One year ago today...was the worst day of my life thusfar.

One year ago today I saw my husband for the last time, lying underneath a desk, blood all around him.

One year ago today, my husband accidentally shot himself in the arm with a handgun, and crawled to a phone to dial 911.

One year ago today, he died waiting for the help that never came.

One year ago today, he died all alone in the dark, on a cold, dark floor.

One year ago today, he made me a widow, and my children fatherless.

One year later, I can tell you what happened to him by sharing it on this blog.

One year later, I am still not over it, and I don't know how many more years it will take.

One year later, I am still angry with him for being so stupid.

One year later, and every day in between, I think of him dying all alone that way, and die a little inside myself.

One year later, and a lifetime to go....