Summer was Patrick's favorite time of year. The festivals, the swimming, we spent a lot of time outside. I am finding it very difficult to do those things without him. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just pick up and move somewhere else, somewhere without the constant reminders that he is not here anymore.
We went to the State Fair this week, probably Patrick's single-most favorite summer activity. I know stupid right? Buildings full of mops and vegtable slicers, and fried things on sticks, but he absolutely loved the fair. I went with my mother and sister-in-law and my kids. We really had a lovely time, but somewhere inside all of the time was this nagging feeling that he wasn't there. I feel so bad for him that he missed the summer, missed his son swimming under water for the first time, graduating from preschool to elementary school. Missed his beautiful daughter being his little scientist and analyzing bugs and nature. How much he will miss, and how much we will miss him.
We talked a lot about daddy at the fair, and all the things he did with them, and all the things he loved to eat and do, and I missed him so acutely, the pain was hard to bear.